How to Trust Yourself and Move Forward With Confidence

Self-trust isn't about knowing exactly what to do. It's about knowing you can listen to yourself, make a choice, learn from it and keep going.

Image with thanks to Unsplash: gau xam @gauxam

Over the past few weeks, I've been exploring what it really means to trust yourself.

Not the polished version of self-trust that sounds like confidence, certainty and having all the answers, but the real version that comes from vulnerability, bravery, and self-compassion:

• The one that shows up when you're standing at a crossroads and don't know which way to go.

• The one that asks you to listen to yourself when everyone else seems to have an opinion.

• The one that requires you to say no when you've spent years being the person who says yes.

• The one that asks you to keep going even when you aren't completely sure you've made the right decision.

I've been thinking about where all of this leads because learning to trust yourself isn't really the destination.

It's what you do with that trust that matters.

Perhaps the real question isn't simply:

"Can I trust myself?"

Perhaps it's:

"What becomes possible when I do?"

Self-trust Isn't Something You Find

I used to think that confidence came from knowing, what you wanted, what the right decision was, knowing that I'd thought everything through carefully enough and most of all that I wouldn’t regret my choices.

But life has a funny way of refusing to give us that level of certainty, sometimes you make a decision and it doesn't work out or you realise you want something different or the path you were convinced was the right one; turns out not to be the case.

And most importantly, sometimes you simply have to make the best decision you can with the information you have at the time.

That doesn't mean you failed to trust yourself - It means you're human.

Self-trust is about developing enough confidence in yourself to meet the future as it unfolds.

You can say:

"I don't know exactly what will happen, but I trust myself to pay attention, learn and respond."

That is a very different kind of confidence and, I think, a much more sustainable one.

You Are Allowed To Change Your Mind

There is something else I've come to appreciate about self-trust - sometimes trusting yourself means changing your mind.

We can put enormous pressure on ourselves to make the right decision, so much so, that once we've chosen something, we can feel that we have to stick with it.

But what if changing your mind is sometimes evidence that you're listening more closely?

You can decide that a relationship, friendship, job, commitment, habit or expectation no longer fits. You can realise that something you once wanted isn't what you want anymore.

You can say:

"I thought this was right for me. Now I know differently."

Here’s the think; the version of you who made the original decision had the information, experience and perspective available to her at that moment.

The person you are today knows more and that's growth.

Self-trust means allowing yourself to respond to new information rather than forcing yourself to remain loyal to an old decision simply because you've already made it.

You Don't Have To Become Fearless

Perhaps one of the biggest misconceptions about confidence is that confident people don't feel afraid – I personally don't believe that anymore.

I believe you can be frightened and still trust yourself, you can be uncertain and still take a step, you can feel uncomfortable and still know that something matters.

Ultimately, you can question yourself and listen to yourself because the goal isn't to eliminate fear. It's to become better at recognising what fear is telling you.

Sometimes fear is saying:

"This isn't safe."

Sometimes it's saying:

"This is unfamiliar."

And sometimes it's simply saying:

"What if you fail?"

Those aren't all necessarily the same thing and this is why self-trust requires curiosity.

Rather than automatically obeying every fearful thought or dismissing every uncomfortable feeling, we can pause and ask:

• What is this feeling trying to tell me?

• Is there something I need to pay attention to?

• Or am I simply being asked to step outside what is familiar?

We don't need to silence fear - we just don't have to let it make every decision.

What if you only need the next step?

I think this is where trusting yourself becomes particularly freeing.

We often want to know the whole plan.

• Where are we going?

• How will it work?

• What happens next?

• What if it doesn't work?

• What if we choose the wrong thing?

But perhaps life doesn't require us to have the entire route mapped out and we only need to know the next honest step.

• Not the next ten steps.

• Not the five-year plan.

• Just the next one.

• Maybe it's making the phone call.

• Having the conversation.

• Saying no.

• Taking the morning off.

• Applying for something.

• Starting something you've been thinking about.

• Stopping something that no longer feels right.

• Asking for help.

• Going for a walk and giving yourself space to think.

The next step doesn't have to be dramatic, it simply has to be honest and once you've taken it, you can reassess. Then take another.

This is how self-trust becomes something lived rather than something we simply think about.

You Are Allowed To Get It Wrong

‍Perhaps the hardest part of trusting yourself is accepting that you might make a mistake, choose badly, misunderstand something, take a wrong turn or wish you you had done something differently.

But what if your ability to trust yourself doesn't depend on never getting it wrong? What if it depends on knowing that you can recover?

• That you can learn.

• That you can apologise.

• That you can change direction.

• That you can begin again.

• That you can survive the discomfort of admitting: "This isn't working."

There is enormous freedom in that because it means your future isn't dependent on making perfect decisions.

You don't have to get every choice right an you simply have to remain willing to listen.

And perhaps this is where self-trust meets intentional living

For me, this is the bigger picture behind all of this. Trusting yourself isn't simply about feeling better about yourself – it's about how you live.

When you trust yourself, you begin to make different choices.

You become more willing to ask what you think before automatically asking everyone else and with time you become more aware of what matters to you.

• You begin to notice when you're living according to expectations rather than your own values.

• You become more willing to change what isn't working.

• You begin to recognise the difference between a life that looks right from the outside and one that actually feels right on the inside.

‍And that is where intentional living begins - with the willingness to pause and ask:

Is this actually how I want to live?

Remember. Rewrite. Live.

Perhaps this is the journey I've really been describing throughout August.

Remember.

Remember who you are beneath the expectations, roles and stories you've accumulated.

Remember what matters to you and the things you've learned about yourself along the way.

Rewrite.

• Question the beliefs that tell you that you have to be certain.

• That you have to please everyone.

• That changing your mind means you've failed.

• That being good means putting yourself last.

• That you need someone else to validate every decision.

• Rewrite the stories that keep you living on autopilot.

Live. ‍

Then take what you've remembered and rewritten and bring it into your everyday life.

• Make the decision.

• Have the conversation.

• Set the boundary.

• Take the risk.

• Rest when you need to.

• Change direction when something no longer fits.

• Take the next step.

Not because you know exactly where it will lead, but because you trust yourself enough to take it.

A NeuroSoul Reflection

So, as we come to the end of this month's exploration of trusting yourself, perhaps don't ask yourself whether you completely trust yourself because, I don't think any of us do. ‍

Instead, ask:

• Where am I already learning to trust myself?

• Where am I still looking outside myself for permission?

• What have I learned about myself this month?

• What am I ready to stop overriding?

• What decision have I been avoiding because I want certainty first?

And finally:

“If I trusted myself just a little more, what would I do next?”

Perhaps it's becoming the person who knows:

“Whatever happens, I won't abandon myself.”

And maybe that is enough.

This Week's Book Recommendation

If you're continuing to explore self-trust, boundaries and becoming more comfortable with your own voice, I'd recommend Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab.

It's a particularly useful companion to this month's theme because self-trust isn't only an internal experience. It eventually shows up in how we communicate, what we agree to, what we say no to and how honestly we express what we need.

If you missed this week's book review, I've also explored The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown — a beautiful reminder that trusting yourself doesn't require perfection.

Affiliate links may earn me a small commission at no additional cost to you.

Remember. Rewrite. Live.

Live by design, not by default.